Lockdown Blues

I am back and how! Def not wiser or better, may be jaded. Sapient did me in. 

J J Cale says Lean On Me and I want to beleive it...

So, long partner. I have grown up, a lot. Like I can recognize Helvetica from Arial, and Chiller. I know graphic folks hate Chiller, what's with it? But then you can't ask them that question o they will shoot you. Ok, so, it's a sunny sunny afternoon, a usual very boring usual day at work. I am all out wandering through the sunny gardens that sprout bougainvilleas. I am also preoccupied, what happened to that promised call? It will never come, that's why it's called promised call. I turn to J.J. Cale for respite. I can't thank VS enough. I am indebted to you for the music. And he sings, Lean on me...

                        " If I'm interested in what I'm doing, other people will be interested in it."

It's strange that how you never know the worth of people and things when you have them. I read Nick Horby's Juliet Naked. I had no difficulty in imagining Tucker Crowe, well, he looked a bit like Andy Takats. Ha! Should I put a reference here, coz I will sure ask, Andy Takats, who? Ok..so again. It has been a prissy year so far for me. I met some really annoying people, the ok ones around me developed new problems - had a new job, went to study, got married, decided to stay a spinster and all, I didn't ready any earth shattering books that answered vexing questions of life and yea I met some real assholes. That sums my 2015, thank you very much!

I hope,I have a great year ahead-things that don't have the power to bring me down, no more health scares and diseases, great books, funny movies, music and travel. Blackmore's night singing Under Violet Moon - I would like to live under the Violet Moon. Yes, I will take an extra sets of good ear phones.

On Tom, Dick and Harry!

It definitely won’t be true if I say I have a lethal magnetic field of attracting losers while dating. I mean, it sounds “kewl” to say that, but ehhh..I am going to be honest here, at least. I have had some really wonderful men in my life, that doesn’t mean I had some ummm…” not so big catches too”!

Number one, the metro sexual, cool dude, advertising professional who had a brand fetish. But apart from these “not so bright attributes” he was a clean, simple, caring guy. That I was with him for four years ( That’s a longggggggggg time!) earns for him a trophy for patience and tolerance.

Number two, the impossibly hot (or so I thought at that time! gee..) tall, dark, firang dude. Vehicles and cricket/ his world ends there. But on the flip side, he had that rare gene, which brings out the mother in you, even if you are Rakhi Sawant.

Number three, salt pepper hair, no non sense types, some one straight from the rock ‘n roll era (Now I wonder what you are…???) But believe me, he was my biggest leveler. Thank you, I will always remain indebted for the music and madness.

Number four…my life would be so incomplete without you. Just wanted to tell you, you are one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received..

Ahhh, charmer boy! Were you ever my boyfriend? Though, I can never forget the crackling chemistry between us. When you grow up, you are going to break your heart because of your vanity and ego. Anyways, thank you for the smoldering moments, and for making me understand where my heart truly is…


And then there is my captain, Lord of the heart, Prince of warrior kingdom, Empire of my fickle heart…my pirate, my hippie love, my music and madness. VT, With you life is beautiful and love is forever…

Sunshine of your love

That's the song of the moment. God of six strings playing and I have a headache. I love listening to songs that blasts the little remnants of what I call my brain, when I have headache. It leaves me with dash eyes ( is there a better term, I mean like dash as in _ eyes, when your squirt your eyes to the extent when you can squirt no more) and most of the times the music takes care of the headache, giving me a headache more intense than the existing one. Between I was reading an article, where have all the rockers gone? Actually where have they gone? A good many are dead, the rest like prodigal sons returned to their flock. How boring is that, we need such entertainers, don't we? I wish someone could turn the wheels of time and eject me into the 60s. I  swear I would work my ass off ( I am a good girl, who doesn't believe in bedding to get me concert tickets)  to see LZD and The Doors. I would totally wear flowers in my hair, even when not going to San Francisco. I would be like a clerk in an office in the mornings and live a dubious night life at Sunset Strip. I would love going to Whiskey a go go...jeez how's that for inspiration. Someday....There's no fun in going now to SS. The music is long gone, the pubs of yesteryear thrive more on their legacy. Like TA and I were discussing do we have a  a band worth worshiping today? A band's music for whom you would lay your life for? An artist for whom you would take a bullet? Hell no! Someone came to my desk and disrupted my train of thought. I like that expression, train of thought, makes me feel very swell

Karma chronicles

I keep going back to Pondi. J calls it the Karmic connection, could be true.
I like the French feel of Pondi, I like the promenade. The quaint café’s. The easy air, the sea…Someday, I will buy a little place there, built a small house (will do it up in white!)I will put my legs up in the charming nook of my little white house, tend my garden, hear the sea and listen to Lennon…

Afternoon musings...

I have lots of things to do. Like run around the logistics for photography workshop, draft mailers, mail Vikram Chandra’s interview…lots actually * * sigh…but I am in one of those drowsy, sedate moods…I am trying to figure out where my mind is floating. Song of the moment, Ye Doorian from Love aaj kal. It has a nice, balmy feel. Hey, it could be a nice sleep time song. Right now I want to:

* Go home

*Curl under my blanket

* Hug VT and tousle his hair, sniff him and snuggle into him…real close

* I need a bright yellow top

* I want hot frothy coffee

* Watch the sea

* Sleepzzzzz

* Walk around like a zombie, asking “what?” to everyone

* Give someone a lecture about the futility of love

* Hug my sister, kiss my nephew, he’s my spider man J

* I love super heroes; it’s such a girl thing

* I am not a bitch, ok…not always

Life is boring….

Remembering rain

Everyone loves rain. Being born and brought up in Kerala, the rains assumed a huge role in my life (and still does)
Onam, our biggest celebration is often a drain drenched affair; I have photos of my cousins and I setting the flower carpet, carefully shielded by an umbrella held by a doting uncle. What’s about the rains that touches and stirs our soul so much? What about it? I do not know…My heart pounds and literally jumps out when I hear someone say” looks like it might rain,” I love the way she comes – sometimes like a raging bull, deposing everything on way and sometimes like a lover’s caress – gentle and so full of love. Like everyone, I love the smells, the muddy puddles, the water snaking down the window panes, the soft drumming on the roofs…pitter..patter.

Perhaps, rains remind us of our childhood – the wild and wanton days when we had our grand parent’s love that warmed our hearts. Even today, I hear my grand mom’s soft call for me, when it rains. I smell the crisp freshly washed scent of her Mundu, her eyes, so full of love for me…I remember the bananas my grandfather brings for us, the children, I remember my cousins who grew up too fast, I remember the cold and dark rooms of my ancestral home…memories…As I write this, my sister lay under the shiver of a fever. A rain would have taken care of her, like no one would…Two months back, I was pulled out of my sleep with a sob at the other end of my phone, It was my sister, all she wanted to know was that “ Damu, when will it rain here.” I consoled her “soon baby, soon…I wanted it badly as she wanted”. I wish it rains everyday, at every part of the Earth…that way we will all be sharing something so beautiful at the same moment of our lives. Wishful? Yea…Stupid? May be…

Once, I chased the rains, all the way from Madivala to Sarjapur. By the time I reached Sarjapur, she decided to play a sport and took to hiding. I cried all the way back home, silently. I reversed my plan to call my daughter “Rain” as protest. I was angry. And then, in a minute…it started to rain, oblong cooling drops in my eyes, wiping away my tears. Needle knocks everywhere. She was here, and she drenched me in her love…I reveled. I sang with her and then I heard…my grandma’s soft call for me….

P.S / I lovvvvve Jim but I will never wait for the sun.